Twice-a-BUM Report!

Editors at BUM Central were all tied up trying to sort out the history archives and utterly missed the week 1 deadline for submission this season.  Turns out that handing over the archival index (carefully collaborated over the prior 9 seasons through top-notch preservation of index cards, post-it notes and slightly stained bar napkins in cleverly color-coded shoe boxes, stored above the drop ceiling tiles in the basement where we really, really hope the mice have a harder time finding them than they did with season 8's records, where all that was left readable was a cryptic scrawl on a shard of pottery in Sharpie that said: "now eating bacon-wrapped shrimp-kabobs as totem comfort food this coming offseason") to an AI agent meant something different between the IT department and the admin at BUM Central.  Turns out that for several seasons now, there has been in place an "AI Emergency Plan" unbeknownst to most of the (unpaid) staff at the BUM Report, where in case of revolt, popular uprising, nuclear war, or if the interns start demanding we provide fresh donuts in the break room instead of only buying the day-old boxes on discount at the local Casey's convenience store, upper management meets up around 1400 hrs (when most staff are usually napping), grabs anything of value that can be readily carried away in a wheelbarrow or laundry basket, and flees to Anticosti Island in the Canadian province of Quebec.  Hence, when the announcement was made at the start of season 18 that, "It's time for AI around here!" there was general panic.

Fortunately, the overall plan was discovered and stopped with just the moving of the BUM Report archives, one toaster oven, and the blackmail photos we keep of Olmec 'just being really, really friendly' with a Moai statue during a South American vacation circa 2010, which is how the BUM Report continues to be allowed to post these occasional forum items for your reading pleasure.  Unfortunately, the BUM Report travel budget couldn't afford the ferry fees to Port-Menier, and had to send two interns in a hand-carved birch tree canoe to and from the island to recover said items.  Tragically, one of the many whales that frequent the channel around the island surfaced too close to O.S.S. (Olmecian Sea Service) BUM One, and the toaster over was lost along with intern Matt who was last seen attempting to swim back to Anticosti where he undoubtedly will use his exceedingly amazing intern experience to thrive amongst the local fauna, hunting deer, grey seals and the occasional black bear armed with his sharp wit and hopefully sharper rocks and sticks. (It was Matt, right? No? Mike? What was that? Mitch? Ah, okay, thanks).  Sorry, intern Mitch. He will be missed.

And thus you know are fully informed as to why you have a two-session BUM Report at your fingertips for your reading pleasure!  Season 18 has come upon in full fury, and there have already been some fabulous matches of note whilst the early season pecking order in the conference fights and the WGM tourney seeding has yet to be fully pecked out.  We start (as we often do because we fear simple things like fact-checking and any sort of change) with the ever-popular-"B" - our Blowouts of the (Two) Week!

For our new readers, and our old ones who may have understandably forgotten the BUM Report existed, what makes a match a BUM-worthy blowout?  First, it has to be 3-set sweep.  Second, it needs to at least be a 30+ total victory.  Admittedly, if in any given session the best sweep ended up 'only' winning by 20+ total points, you'll still get a (dis)honorable BUM mention.  But those are only kiddie-style blowouts.  To be Blowout (note the capital letter) it really should meet a 10-point-per-set average margin of victory.  As a bonus, there is a special category that combines blowout and upset, the coveted Blowout Upset Sweep (BUS), where a team not only got upset in the match, and got swept in said upset, yet also got blown out despite all odds being their favo(u)r!  We've only had one recent such beauty (Hi again, Jason!) where a team got run over by the Olmec BUS, though we continually look forward to another in the near future, Olmec willing.  For perspective, since season 9, we've averaged just 6 matches per season where a team wins in a sweep by a combined 40+ or more points.  Those are the kind of blowouts we love to write about!  And there have been just two matches total where a team won by a combined 50+, one of which was Spokane (redemption, Jason, redemption!) over Sheboygan in match 1 of season 14, at 54 combined points, and the other was a +55 beat down involving two SEC teams that don't need recapped here.

Intro aside, we have already had three matches in the opening two sessions that have hit the 40+ mark!  We start in match 2, conference play in the Big East where Sheyboygan (rated road 54) traveled to the currently-Olmec-led Mendon (home 80).  Oh, wait!  This wasn't a blowout?!?  Sheboygan won a set and still lost by a combined 40? How does that happen?  In what is as far as we know only the 3rd-ever instance, a team has lost by 40 combined points despite winning a set, in this case, because the Bloodsuckers managed only 7 points in set 3 (lowest by anyone this season so far) and 11 in sets one and four, despite winning set two 25-19.  The only other two times both ended at +41, San Diego over Mat-Su in season 15, match 4, and Baton Rouge over Antioch, season 9, match 8.  So despite a not-blowout, congrats to Olmec for leading Mendon to the third-best and third-ever 40+ four-set victory!

In real, actual blowouts, we instead turn to match 5, conference play in the Big 8, where the Gourdheads traveled to the inviting climes of Podville, where the Legume Legion lurks.  St. Charles mustered the lowest road rating of any team in session 2, with an impressive 49. Pekin dropped the 2nd-highest of the season so far, 88 at home, behind only Columbia's 89.  For perspective on what might have been, Max's Strawmen have played much better this year, posting their own 87-rated team at home in match 4 against Al's Mules (purely coincidence, I'm sure).  In this one though, the +39 home difference in rating is the 2nd-highest of the season. The end result was clear from the opening serve.  The Pod People barely let the 'Crows reach double-digits, winning the sweep 10-25, 9-25, and 11-25, for a combined +45 blowout and staying in the conference hunt.  Will we see a different result in the rematch, if St. Charles is capable of fielding a team almost as strong?  We won't get an answer until session 11 when they meet again in the penultimate conference match, yet until then it's all Pekin, all the time, with the #2 Blowout of the (Two) Week!  Congrats, Roger!

And in our top blowout, we rewind to session 1, match 2, where we stay in the Big 8, and we stay with St. Charles on the road.  Did you think the road 49 was bad?  That was just the 2nd-worst road rating of the season.  Max opened this season with the #1 as well!  A road 43!  Has any team ever gone so low before?  Just one!  Season 14, match 1, where of all teams in a lovely coincidence, Pekin opened at 43 when traveling to St. Charles, who posted a home 57. The difference there?  Pekin won! In what has thus-far been the lowest-rated team to ever win a match in a -14 Upset Sweep. Ah, such memories bring a tear to the eye in toastable fond remembrance! But back to this season. St. Charles opened with a road-rated F team average, having only two D-rated players suited up as the starters all rested, or hid in the stands wearing fake beards and glasses and wear home team colors to try to avoid the shame associated with this one.  Where were they at?  Portland.  The Flanned Felsmen came to play, posting a home 83.  The resulting +40 rating difference played out in this one, as the Gourdheads managed their best set first, a 11-25 loss.  Antoine's Axemen just got tougher from there, chopping down the 'Crows to stuffing and splinters to the tune of 9-25 and 8-25, as the combined +47 blowout marks our #1 Blowout of the (Two) Week and a fantastic mark to try to beat this year!  Congrats to Antoine and the 'Jacks, for our thus-far Blowout of the Season!

On the Upsets, where we had a foursome of minor upsets at -3 to whet the appetite.  We'll start in match 6, second round of WGM Group play, just to change the team names being mentioned, in case anyone is still reading this far and didn't just Ctrl+F to find their mascot being maligned.  Nashville and Ames faced off, as the Firefoxes played a respectable 79 whilst the Edible Thistles dropped what was thus-far been the third-highest neutral rating of the season (tied with several others) at 82.  This was a fun match to watch play out, featuring extra points in set 1 and Ames taking a 2-0 set lead before Music City rallied back following intermission and took the final three sets for a reverse sweep and the -3 Upset! This match also was our third-highest scoring of the season, and so far has been the most competitive, with a combined 161 rating topping the early season charts.  Congrats to Roy on the upset, yet also to Colin, as Ames was a tough beat and is showing the firepower to make some waves this season.  Staying in match 6, Olmec-powered Mendon (63) and Denali (60) faced off in their WGM Group match with a little less of the T7 on display.  Despite the lesser effort, the match results were still great as the B-teams put on a show!  Set 1 went to 26-28, and it was a back and forth affair after that, with the Livid Lupines escaping by just 2 points in set 5 to pull off the -3 upset in what is currently our highest-scoring match, at 222 combined points!  It was interestingly a very defensive affair, with a combined 110 digs and 6 players in double-digit digs!  The match featured no hitter with a better attack stat than 14, and Mendon's 14 was their setter (which is never a good sign if your setter is your best attacker), so it should come as little surprise that the defensive skills were highlighted.  Still, 110 digs is wickedly impressive, as were Mendon's combined 40 block assists to just 4 blocking errors.  The attack stats?  Not so hot.  Mendon hit .156 for the match, and Denali won despite doing worse, at .117!  Set two was particularly painful for both, as even the BUM Report, who revels in all things un-praiseworthy, isn't sure when we last saw both teams with a negative attack stat in the same set!  Set 2: Mendon -.032 (8 kills, 9 errors); Denali -.065 (8 kills, 10 errors). And in a fitting final head-scratching stat, in the telling set that the Zen-Challenged Denizens of Denali won, they got out-hit by Mendon .444 (10 kills, 2 errors) to .231 (5 kills, 2 errors) as Mendon's lousy serve game was their undoing, .775 for the match, 25 service errors.  Congrats to Andy for the -3 upset, as messy as it was in the making!

For our other pair of minor upsets, we turn to Columbia, where Steve's Crazy Tomatoes got a tossed salad of results. Starting with match 3, WGM Group, and the Cherry Tomatoes came out to play with James' Eaglets from Alton. Both teams were playing for some XP and Fit, it appears, as the ratings were 55 v 58 on the neutral court. Despite the close ratings, and neither team featuring a player over a C-rating, Columbia somehow dominated two of the sets, winning sets 1 and 4 25-13, and set 2 25-17 while dropping set 3 in extra points 25-27.  James was happy with the extra set for XP, yet probably shaking his head that it went 3-1 instead of 1-3 and the gifted WGM Group win.  In any case, congrats to Steve on the -3 Upset! And we turn to Steve's other -3 match, where he surely was not as happy.  Match 4, conference play, with Columbia traveling to Arlington.  The Tomatoes brought a road-rated 82, third-highest we've seen this season so far.  The Vermilingua were 79 at home, fairly respectable, yet still under-not-dogs though also four-legged.  The sets were tight most of the way, with Arlington clawing out 22-25 and 26-28 victories in the opening sets.  Columbia seemed to get firmer footing in set 3, only to fall away late, and fell off to lose 20-25.  You know what that means!  It's our first (and so far only) Upset Sweep!  Congrats to Arlington (though Olmec probably doesn't care like the BUM Report cares) for the Upset Sweep!

We'll up the proverbial ante and move to match 3, WGM Group play between Tucson and N'Orleans.  Amy's Spiny Spikers played a neutral court 74. The Rats were less pointy at 69.  The Rats got soundly out-hit, out-served, and solidly out-blocked, having to dig like crazy (42) which fortunately most Swamp Rats are pretty good at by nature. The key to victory appears to be in the return game, where the Rats had just one receiving error all match and held the Killer Kacti to a sole ace. The final tallies weren't pretty, yet were just enough for the lesser team to slink and scurry back to The Swamp with the -5 Upset, our second-highest so far! Commisserations to Amy for the defeat and at least they got the extra set for XP.

And topping our charts we now return to the regularly scheduled Scarecrows, our featured team of the week. The Olmec Headed Arlington went to St. Charles in match 1, conference play. Arlington wasn't exactly playing for the win, bringing a 58.  Max wasn't exactly playing real volleyball players, using what I think was a trainer, the waterboy, and volunteers from the snack shack to roll out as everyone with a skill rated over 10 rested for fit.  Max played a 46 at home.  One C- player, one D+ player, 5 Fs. Let's put this number in perspective. The next lowest home value of the season thus far is 57.  11 points higher.  The resulting match turned out to be crazy, going 5 sets, totally 214 points, and featuring several long rallies as there were 115 digs, 47 blocks, and somehow the GourdHead's MB Fontaine ended up the player of the match as an F+-rated machine, with 9 Blk and 9 Atk, topping all players with 9 assist blocks while hitting .368 (8 kills on 19 attempts) and dropping a .950 serve rating with 2 aces, despite a 7 Srv skill! To be clear, the other "MB" served at 5, so the "L" (Srv 6) contributed 5 errors with no aces on that rotation spot. St. Charles' attack ratings by set? .156, -.094, .065, .111.  And they won two of those (sets 1 & 4). And then in set 5? They got outhit .500 (11 kills, 2 errors) to .385 (7 kills, 2 errors) and still won the set 15-13! Whatever glitch in the Matrix happened, we here at the BUM Report are loving it as the Stuffed Shirts on Stilts just pulled off the second-lowest-rated win ever!  Winning sub-50 is almost unheard of, with just one other team pulling off such a feat. Who pulled it off previously?  We take you back into our dream upsets suite of matches to season 14, the opening conference match with Pekin traveling to our featured team: St. Charles.  The Legume Legion was playing the 'rest everyone' strategy that season, and rolled in with a road 43. St. Charles had a 57 at home.  -14. 4 set win. And now St. Charles is featured in both the 'lowest ever win' matches! A BUM-rousing cheer to the 'Crows for the Upset of the Week and season so far at -12!

In the More column, we don't have as much to crow about (you see what I did there?), though we'll scrape out another St. Charles stat for fun.  In the Steve Special category: "But We Scored More Points!" you can watch a fun 5-setter in match 6, Antioch v St. Charles in WGM play. St. Charles narrowly avoided the -6 upset as the 'Fish played 'em hard, out-scoring the eventual victors by 4 points in what is our top reverse blowout (winning despite being outscored) of the season! Rob is probably already wondering if this is an omen of the season to come, as the Devil Fish haven't had a string of luck to help them out lately, as they've won when expected, lost when expected, and will need some clever luring and baiting to break their grip on a .500 record.

A special shout-out to the Arboreal Rodents for a perfect 9-0 sets record in the opening session, and then stretching that to 12-straight sets in match 4 before finally dropping a match at The Bat Cave. Their reward is a pending match against the Big East-leading BullyFrogs. Huzzah.

Who has the league on notice that they're gunning for a National Title so far?  Top-rated lines we've seen include Columbia (89 home, 82 away), Pekin (88 neutral!), Sheboygan (87 home, 85 away), Burlington (82 away), Portland (83 away) and an upstart Teutopolis team (82 neutral) that has upset potential if they can just find the right trailer park to play in.  Ames and Mat-Su (82 neutral) also shouldn't be overlooked.

Matches to watch this session?  Top two in the Big 8 square off, Portland @ Columbia.  In the Pac 8, Andy's Livid Lupines are at The Dumpster where the 4-0 Trash Pandas are holding court over the conference thus far.  If James' Coons can hold home court, they could potentially have a 2-game lead over the conference early on. SEC favorites Starkville and Nashville will square off as well, both looking to move up the conference table and keep the Fightin' Fern Fruit within reach. And who knows where the dust will land in WGM Group F, where it's all square at 1-1 for all four teams?  We're also watching what Haiku Holden may pull out this session, as the BUM Report staple BloodSuckers have the 6th-best T7, yet are stuck on one win (tied fewest with Dallas) after the opening fortnight of action.  Until next week, or the week after perchance, happy scheming and best of fortunes topping our current Blowout and Upset marks!  We here at BUM Central are already looking forward to the outcomes of some tasty matchups, which will be far fresher than the stale and slightly salt water logged donuts we're currently dunking in our coffee mugs. We're still waiting to hear back from Krispy Creme on that corporate sponsorship offer we floated, as surely the 'cease and desist' letter from their legal team was just a jest between soon-to-be best buds.  Thanks again to Max for fueling our opening post this season!