As we all bask in the glory of soundly-gotten gains of victory and the inglorious ignomy of ill-fated and undeserved defeat that was Session 4, TMVL's favo(u)rite (because: only) running column of happenings and daring deeds and managerial mishaps is pleased to bring you yet another edition of the journalistic something that is the B.U.M. Report!  Inspirational thoughts to ponder as you reflect on the session that has happened and make your respectively farious and nefarious plans for league domination in session 5, from American poet and espouser of sagisms, Kenneth Clark Loggins:

You'll never say hello to you / Until you get it on the red line overload / You'll never know what you can do / Until you get it up as high as you can go (Danger Zone, 1987).

The BUM Report always celebrates those who take things to new heights and push the limits of what should and should not be done with virtual volleyballs and subsequent savage verbal serves and volleys in our match commentaries!  Several teams pushed those red line limits this past session, so read on in your prefererd attitude of admiration, begruding respect, meh-ness, disdain, or outright fist-shaking disgust at the likes of Columbia, Cincinnati, Pekin, Ames, Antoich, Teutopolis and Merritt Island!  Yes, that Merritt Island and Manatee Master Mark, who have revved their outboard motors up to all-time TMVL Top 3 lists!  Grab your beverage of choice, for the BUM Report awaits!

(Editor's note: for those who refuse to push the limits or try new, possibly dangerous things, Mr. Loggins has also created an album for you, namely the 1995 Grammy-nominated Return to Pooh Corner. We're certain the freshman making up your 50-something-rated lineups will enjoy the pre-match inspirational sing alongs.)

Starting as we often do (because: B) we begin our bi-semi-weekly big match beatdown recaps with our Blowouts of the Week!  We did not see new heights set this session, and thus the collective shaming falls on us all.  Still, where effort was made, effort will be rewarded here with eternal recorded glory (or at least until the server fails)!  Match 12, WGM round of 32, Carlsbad, who made every effort to not make a winning effort in the group stages, finishing 0-for-3 and in 30th seeding overall, traveled to San Jose (#3 seed).  The Chameleons have notably focused on the conference thus far this season, holding onto first place in the PAC 8, and sending the Little Lizards and Geckos-Masquerading-as-Chameleons for all WGM play. Phil did so again here, making sure that all insurance waivers were appropriately signed and reviewed by the legal team before allowing the 54-rated road team to take the court. That's just a point away from a season-#3 low.  Vick and the Ten-Legged Terrors were less-than challenged, at 81 home rating. That's not even near his top line, as they played two freshmen (D-ratings) for the experience.  That's probably the only thing that saved Team HyperColor from a higher blowout, as the resulting 13-15, 15-25, 14-25 match was over before your pre-match ice cream cone would have melted in the California clime.  +33 total points later, we had our #3 Blowout of the Week and top WGM beatdown! Congrats, Vick!

Match 11, SEC conference play. The Black Cats from the Bluegrass State are in a bit of a slump, and had to pick their poison as they drew a tough weekend slate, home to N'Orleans, @ T-Town, then @ Ames for the WGM. With the top line trying to protect home court and a respectable WGM battle, that left mostly backups for the road trip to The Trailer Park the Twisters call home. 63 v 83. C-Ball did not take it easy, and played his best home rating to date, looking to snap a seven-match losing streak. That they did, and then some! 15-25 & 18-25 were the opening sets, before the Twisters took away any fears of a late-match collapse.  Kentucky fell behind early, with tallies of 1-6 and 2-10. The Kittens closed it to 5-10 before the Windy Warriors rolled off a 6-pt run followed by a later 8-pt run and closed out set 3 8-25, capping off the +34 blowout, our #2 on the week! Congrats, C-Ball!  The 8-25 set 3 tied our lowest-allowed points of the session as well, for additional Tornadic Accolades!

Oh, wait, Mike! We're not done with you yet... We sincerely appreciate this kind of noteworthy effort, folks. It's not everyone who tries and achieves such lofty BUMness as both blowing out a team and getting blown out in back-to-back matches! Match 10, SEC play, T-Town (54) at Antioch (81). Did you note above how Mike played his top line at home to stop a 7-match losing streak? Note here that Mike played his backups/whoever was left on the bench/the equipment manager at the watery confines of The Deeps. Rob and C-Ball go way back in Olmec-land. Their rivalry exceeds any one sport or league. In this match, Rob eagerly watched the Dust Devils take their positions on the court the way he watches the automatic pin machine set up the bowling lane. Line 'em up and knock 'em down!  It was a strike-worthy opening set, finished by the Fishes at 10 pts allowed, feasting on freshmen! Sets 2 & 3 allowed some bonus pts to roll over, finishing identically at 15-25, with the additional 5 pts per set equalling the Spare and a +35 total blowout, our #1 Blowout of the Week! Congrats to the DevilFish and their Diabolical Director, Rob!

What other top marks were set, before we move on to celebrating negative numbers? Match 12, WGM play, Manitowoc @ Arlington. The Vermilingua had a 5-pt ratings head, and Derek and the Decorative Devils didn't care. It was a close fight every set of this 5-set match, and had two sets go to extra points before set 5 started. That one went out to 17-19 before the final whistle, a 5-set and narrowly avoided upset for Arlington, and setting our new season high for most points scored in a match at 233! Congrats to David & Derek! Also in the WGM matches, we saw HoundTown head to Porkoplis. Eduard chose discretion as the better part of valor, and fielded his top lines for conference play (more on that in a bit, spoiler alert). James Tiberius Tucker and the Hovering Hamsteaks meanwhile tied the top home mark of the season, dropping a 92-rated squad for the knockout opener! That top home mark also earned Cinci a tie for lowest-allowed points with an 8-25 set 2, on the way to coasting to victory in the round of 32 for the trophy-contending Hogs. Congrats, on upping the ante for everyone, James! We also saw a new away high set! Match 11, BIG 8 conference play, with Columbia headed to the Lone Star State for a showdown at Arlington. Columbia brought their best, an astounding early-season mark of 91! Arlington, well, they were present. We think. Images from the match have been redacted by league officials out of fears of the graphic nature of the resounding beat down being too much for younger fans to handle. Arlington played a home 66, tying the lowest home mark of the session. Top away line. Bottom home line. Ouch. And yet not a blowout! We are sorely disappointed, Steve! You and the Sanity-Challenged Salad Toppers can certainly succeed more successfully in succeeding sessions this season, Steve! We have faith, and plenty of open slots in future BUM Reports to fill! A final nod to those trying harder to push their teams to red line limits, and we'll stay in the brutal BIG 8, match 11, conference play with Pekin traveling to Ames. For those familiar with anything at all, Roger's Legume Legion is no surpise for a top line (90 away) as they push for another conference crown. Throwing up a roadblock of bracts (look it up) and fuzzy choke to stymie the Pod People's advance, Colin dropped a very impressive home 90 to match Pekin's rating!  Having met the enemy, Ames also played them to a standstill, and claimed a home victory to move up the conference table and put the BIG 8 on notice that a new power has arisen! The resulting 90-90 (combined 180) also set a new season-high for combined ratings, and is the Match To Beat for competition thus far! Congrats to Roger and Colin for the entertaining match!

And with that, we're out of nice things to say, and will move on to highlight the pains and joys that can only come from the virtual madness-inducing mechanisms of Olmec, our Upsets of the Week!

We'll start with a small upset, the kind of ratings difference that just one player can impact, a little -2. Match 10, Big East play, Porkopolis (83) @ The Pond, where the BullyFrogs (81) wait in ambush for flying prey to flit by. The Flying Hogs came out strong in set 1, leading by up to 6 points early at 13-7. The Croakin' Crew rallied though, including a 4-pt streak from 18-15 to 18-19! A back-and-forth exchange happened up to 23-23, and then with Cinci getting the point and serving for set point. Despite a lousy pass (1) and midling set (2), Neves still got a tool kill off the attempted block and kept Burlington alive. That was followed by a massive Ferland block of RS Crowe to give Aires' squad their own set point, and Neves served up the ace for the 24-26 home win of set 1! Set 2 stayed close, with neither team being up more than 3 pts through an 18-18 tie. Burlington got an ace to take the lead, and didn't relinquish it, scoring 7 of the last 10 points to take set 2 21-25. Now with their razorbacks to the proverbial structural support, Cinci came out swinging, scored first, and led by 5 at 19-14. The BullyFrogs got a point back, and then landed back-to-back blocks to close to 19-17. Porkopolis got a point back, then aced the next serve to lead 21-17, only to follow with a service error and gave the ball away, 21-18. Burlington had another huge block to eep serve, and then an ace, and with the lead on the line, it was not Cinci's day as a strong pass (3) and great set (3) led to a hitting error by Crowe (Atk 17) and the lead was lost! Burlington served at 21-22 and Crowe redeemed himself with a kill to get it back. Cinci served out though, and with some blocks swapped now Cinci served for set point at 24-23. Crowe again with the key point chance, and he served it out! 24-24, and now OH Wexford for Cinci with the hitting error, attacking the ball out of bounds! 24-25, match point, and the Hopping Hero MB Neves nails the ACE and the BullyFrogs win two sets in extra points to claim the -2 Upset Sweep (our only upset sweep of the week) and hold onto a tie for 2nd in the Big East, while keeping Cinci a game back and tied for 4th! With this being Aires' only win over the last two weekends, he made it a big one! Congrats, Aires!

Into our regular upsets, we'll feature the SEC this week and prep the way for another overachiever, with Mark taking up two slots this weekend! #3 Upset, Match 10, Music City (85) heading down the coastline on Interstate 1 to the floating court of Merritt Island (which is actually a peninsula, yet no one cares). The Do-Ragged Dugongs played a not-shabby 82-rated home team, and were staying tight against the Firefoxes in the opening set, leading 17-19 before faltering and dropping set 1 25-21. Set 2 saw another closely fought sea battle, with the Pachyderm Pirates leading 18-21 before the Pandas mounted yet another rally! They closed and had it tied 23-23, only for Merritt Island to get a tool kill for set point at 23-24, and then serve it out! From there, 24-24, there were a double-exchange of kills to 26-26, and then Nashville lost all discipline! MB Howard was in the net to give it back at set point #4 for the Manatees! Plummer got a kill to keep the rally alive, and then Morris served it out! Set point #5 and Nashville got a kill again. 28-28 and now Howard serves it out! Roy had to be as livid and red as his players at this point! 28-29, set point #6, and how does it end? Another error for Nashville, this time hitting it out, and Merritt Island took set 2 28-30, our highest-scoring set of the weekend! Music City gave away all of the Manatees' last four points of the set with errors, and it was tied up 1-1. Set 3, late action, tied 21-21, Merritt Island with a strong kill and then back-to-back points off huge digs to take the commanding 21-24 lead and finish off the set 22-25. Now into set 4, Merritt Island led by as many as 6 points early, only to choke on a fish bone and have to cough up the lead at 22-21! They tied it back up at 23-23, and took the lead at 23-24 with a crucial Bishop dig to set up match point #1! Nashville, poor Nashville, couldn't catch a break. Attacking error, match over, the -3 Upset in 4 sets highighted by our highest-scoring set of the week, and Mark takes the Upset #3!

We'll stay in the SEC, match 10, Starkville (88) @ Baton Rouge (81). The Hemoglobin-Lovin' Hounds averaged an A-rated team, on the road. Two A+ players (RS Amos & OH Oramas), two other A's, and 3 B's of varying degrees, lowest-rated at 79. Red Stick came to play as well, 3 A's and 2 B's, with the BananaRamaMen looking to hold onto first place in the SEC. Senator Mike's Fightin' Fern Fruit were going to need every bit of talent to hang with the 'Hounds.  Set 1 went Eduard's way, with Starkville never trailing and leading by as many as 9 points on the way to a 25-17 win. Like a dog sniffing out a possum to tree, or at least a tree to pee on. The Bananas, coming from tree-like ferns, appear to have taken offense at such disrespect, and took an early lead in set 2, 1-4, and then battled evenly with Starkville after the Mississippi MudPuppies tied it back up as late as 17-17. A common feature of upsets is when a team serves a ball out after rallying back to tie. Not only did Starkville do it here, then also did it at 18-20 and 19-21! Despite trading points late, they had already 'error'd' out their chance of the win, and Red Stick took set 2, 22-25. Set 3 and Eduard loosed the 'Hounds of war! Starkville took the first points and never trailed, getting past a tie at 7-7 and growing the lead from there to a 7-pt win, 25-18. Set 4 and Starkville kept up the hunt, again scoring first and pushing out to an 11-5 lead. Baton Rouge responded with 3- and 4-pt mini runs to close the gap. Exchanging kills and aces and service errors, the match played out to 17-16 before a 'Hound hitting error tied it up at 17-17! Baton Rouge took the lead and then they swapped points repeatedly up to 23-24 and set point #1 for the Bananas! Amos got a kill and Starkville got the serve to lead, 24-24. Baton Rouge's Noonan responded with a kill, and then they served for set point #2! Amos' hit was dug! and Noonan spiked down the reply for the 24-26 extra point set 4 win! On to set 5, and once again Starkville scored first! And then the dogs lost the scent of victory. Block, hitting error, block, dig/kill, block, hitting error, block, dig/kill, dig/kill.  When Baton Rouge gave the ball back with their service error, it was because he had just served 9 times prior and was a bit winded from the back line. A ten-point streak in a critical set 5! Starkville matched Baton Rouge the rest of the way, yet the gap was too big to chase down. 7-15 in set 5, our lowest-scoring of the weekend, and despite being outscored by 2 points overall (our #2 Reverse Blowout of the Week!) Mike's Minion-Like Punchers pulled off the -7 home upset over top contender Starkville, keeping a grasp on #1 in the conference, and pushing Starkville to 4-4 and two games back at the conference season's midway point! Congrats to Mike and Red Stick!

I know you're thinking it: if that was a -7 upset, how bad was the #1?  Twice as bad, actually! Again we feature the aquatic mammals of Merritt Peninsula, as they let the starters go on a field trip across the inlet to Cape Canaveral and watch a rocket launch. What was left went cross-country to Santa Clara where the Diminuative Doggies hosted their WGM match.  The Manatees' best player was MB Morelli, rated at 70, C+. Their Fr Setter, Metzner, was played for the experience, only rated 54. And OH Carbonera came along mostly for the jokes and because he could buy alcohol for the rest of them, "rated" at 43 for what he can do on the court. 5 of Martyn's Miniature Mutts were rated evenly or better than Mark's best. And Olmec chuckled. By this time in the season, most teams have managed to get at least 4 or 5 of the T7 to Fit +1 and have those extra skill levels helping in key matches. Martyn has left his team in the proverbial danger zone, with only four players (and the least-used) at +1. That was likely the edge that was needed for the following to take place. Merritt Peninsula took the opener, 25-22, only for the Ankle Biters to snarl and snap their way back to a resounding set 2 win, 12-25! That's more like the ratings average results would suggest! And the Californian Canines kept up the chase in set 3, 21-25!  Perhaps it was snack time, or maybe the Chihuahuas just got tired from jumping so high all the time.  Maybe Martyn told the team to play for a 5th set for the XP. In any case, Santa Clara fell apart in set 4.  They hit .321, .444 & .367 in the first three sets, 39 kills to just 11 errors. In set 4, they hit .069: 10 kills, 8 errors, or 29 attempts. It's not like the Swashbuckling Seacows were unbeatable, as they only hit .214 (12 kills, 6 errors, on 28 attempts), their 2nd-worst set of the match. The end result was a comedy of mis-hit errors and clean digs off weak hits, leading to a 25-22 narrow win by the Manatees and on to set 5! Whatever went wrong in set 4 continued in set 5 for Santa Clara. .083 hitting: 5 kills, 4 errors. And the Do-Ragged Dugongs responded to the invitation to plunder with their best set of the day! .545 hitting as 11 attempts led to 8 kills and just 2 errors! Down 5-3 and serving to keep momentum, Santa Clara served it out, then hit the next two out to gift the Manatees an 8-3 lead that was never relinquished. At 14-7, the Pursecarried Pooches fended off 3 straight match points before finally falling 15-10 in set 5, as Mark pulls off the -14 Upset! It's our new #1 of the season, and also ties the mark for #3 of all-TMVL-time! They won despite being outscored 6 points overall, also topping the Reverse Blowout table for session 4. Martyn can only console the pack with extra snacks, as they were set for a solid opening WGM win until Olmec had other ideas. Most of us have been there, only not quite as badly! Congrats to Mark and the Manatees for such a BUMbastic match!

Thanks to all those who dared to fly high and fast, or dive deep and trust in Olmec to bail them out! Congrats to those featured in this session's column, and we'll cap it off with two special nods. The first goes to Haiku Holden and the Bloodsuckers, the only team with a sole grasp on conference first place as they narrowly lead defending champs Alton and upstart Burlington. The others have a 2-way or a 4-way tie (what's up with the Big 8 this season?!? Perhaps a future column will explore this phenomenom more fully. The other nod goes to Quincy and Al, who successfully made it through the weekend as the #1 WGM seed, avoiding an upset by the before-mentioned Flying Mammals of Sheboygan. The Rabbids posted a home-90 in the opener. Teams that can match that on the road are few, Columbia and Starkville are already out, and only Pekin is left on the left side of the bracket. The Rabbids will be favo(u)red in every match at least through the semis! All opposing Al will need to start playing for some Olmec love and a stunning upset to come, which the BUM Report will be sure to highlight, maybe even with a feature graphic, in case you need extra incentive! Also, bonus mention, congrats to Colin for the league-leading 5-game win streak (with 4 sweeps!) that Ames has going on right now! Your next match, @ Columbia, should be a breeze! See you all on the debrief of the next mission, er, session! And now we're off and out to another Kenny Loggins tune (circa 1984) because our faithful typists and historians and editors have been working so hard, and now they're punching their cards, eight hours, for what? Oh, tell us what they've got!  It's the BUM Report, signing off on session 4, and cutting out Footloose before we tear up this town! Happy Olmec'ing!