Welcome back to the BUM Report for session 9, where we're 106 miles from Chicago with a full tank of gas, half a pack of candy cigarettes, and we're always wearing sunglasses! Let's hit it.

We are down to our last three sessions which means the conferences are taking final form while the season-ending tourneys are gearing up for high speed, high heat, high octane, high firepower, high SL/ELO/Rated clashes that most certainly don't involve us here at the BUM Report!  In conference play, the Big 8 is nearly decided, as Pekin have a 3-match lead with 3 to go. One more win by Roger, or one falter from Al (season-ending @ Columbia comes to the forefront, even if Pekin inexplicably dropped the next two), and this one's over.  How dominant are the Pod People and Rabbids this season? The other three conferences are currently all in similar form with 4 teams with winning conference records and four teams with losing records.  In the Big 8, there are only two teams with winning records, and then a current 3-way tie for 3rd place at 5-6. Two of Al's three conference losses are to Roger, meaning the other 6 teams have managed to beat Roger or Al exactly once in 18 attempts. So, congrats to Craig for pulling off that sole (de)feat?!

Meanwhile, the Big East will come down to Alton winning two of the last three to guarantee the title (@ Walltoppers, home to the Fighting Fungi, and @ BullyFrogs) or else Porkopolis gets caught up in the Cup/National Tourneys and can't spare enough firepower to win all three themselves (@ Nut Munchers, @ Yeti-kin, home to the Walltoppers).  In the SEC, Nashville's loss in the Cup to Antioch means bad things for the rest of us, as now they can T7 in the Nat'l Tourney and the conference. At 9-2, they are tied with the Bananaramamen, and both have at least one match left that could trip them up. We're not calling this one yet.

And in the most interesting of conferences, we have a 3-way tie for 1st in the Pac 8!  The Crustacean Crew, Needletown, and the Mighty Meese are all at 7-4, with San Jose and Mat-Su going head-to-head this week.  Lurking in the deeps and ready to spear anyone who falters, San Diego is ready to pull yet another upset as they're only one match back at 6-5.  Amy may have the inside edge with remaining matches, as she plays the current #6-8 slate (Denali, Santa Clara, Carlsbad), yet Andy's Wolves are her nemesis team and Martyn and Phil both have upset potential every week.  Should be a blistering final three weekends for the westernmost conference!

And, of course, we're down to the final 8 teams in both of the marquee tourneys left: the TMVL Cup and the National Championship.  Of those teams still vying for glory, we have just two teams that have managed to find a place in both quarterfinals.  It takes little to no intelligence to guess which two teams have pulled off this feat (which is good for us here at the BUM Report, so we can follow along too).  #1 & #2 in the current overall standings, as the only teams to top 20 wins thus far.  #1 & #2 in ELO.  A combined 11 losses between them, which is fewer than 3/4 of the league has by themselves.  Yep, it's none other than Porkopolis and the Pod People!  They're on opposite sides of both brackets, so they can't meet up until the finals in either one.  Standing in their way?  Lots of heavy hitters!  Teams that have put up 87+ on neutral court so far and are still fighting in those tourneys are (in no particular order): San Jose, Nashville, Sheboygan, Alton, Denali, Columbia, and Quincy. That's 7 of the other 12 teams, with the remaining 5 are all readily capable of mid-80's ratings and possibly higher if they were holding back before now.  Regardless of the competitors, the oddsmakers are heavily leaning toward the Legume Legion and Flying Bacon as the favo(u)rites.  If you're on their respective slates this coming weekend, congrats on a good run, and enjoy the Blues that will follow your matches against Season 12's Black & Blues Brothers!  The BUM Report looks forward in anticipation to either blowouts or upsets to come as it all comes down to the final 7 matches in both tourneys!

Pop quiz: who currently has the longest winning streak, at 7 matches?  Not Pekin or Cinci, if you were guessing there first!  Our answer is: Craig and the Bulldogs!  And who plays both Cinci & Pekin in this coming session?  That would also be Craig! Conference match at the Pod Palace, and then neutral court in the Cup versus Porkopolis.  The nightcap Holyoke match against Ames won't be a walk in the park either, which has to make the Pound Puppies a little miffed.  Somebody's win steak (Dallas 7, Pekin 5, Cinci 4) is going down for sure!  Will Bryce and the Meese (current 5-game streak) end up as the new placeholder, should they survive their own brutal 3-match session against San Jose, Starksville & Nashville?  We just know there's a whole lot of streaking going on.

Intros aside, we're now on to the regular BUM Report fare!  In Blowouts, we got our action in early and not-often, with one each in the opening matches. We'll start in Match 30, TMVL Cup 2nd round, with SEC foes squaring off on neutral court, the Red Pandas (currently under investigation for claims that it's not natural coloring and may in fact be dyed by the blood of their opponents) and the Glow Guppies (currently under investigation for allegations of using artificial light-enhancing chemicals).  Rob P gambled and gamed and went all-in, bringing the A-team with an 83-rated squad.  Roy went all-out in other matches, playing the pure T7 and tying the league-high in the conference match at home with a 96 and on neutral court setting a new league high at 93!  The leftovers in the back of the fridge were stale and slightly freezer burned (always watch out for the back of the top shelf where the freezer's cold likes to sneak down), and played to the dischordant tune of a 68.  The 15-pt ratings difference was more than enough for the 'Fish to lure unsuspecting snacks to their early demise.  The opening set was not promising for BUM-style points, ending 25-20 in Antioch's favor.  It got better from there though, with the 'Fish nearly doubling the Firefoxes at 25-13 and then repeating the effort to sweep Music City with a final 25-14 and the 28-pt #2 Blowout of the Week! Congrats to Rob and the Anglerfish!

And for our top Blowout, we'll rewind to the conference match, 29, and look to the Midwest, where Big 8 play brought us yet another underpowered Columbia road trip, this time to St. Charles.  The danger in being perpetually good and playing deeper into tourneys all season long (for those who might be wondering what life at the top looks like), is that you really don't have a lot of the T7 to reinforce the backups and freshmen needing playing time.  It's T7-T7-"pray to make the BUM Report's 'U' list or else you're going to be on the bad end of the 'B' section".  Steve-O and his sanity-challenged contingent are poster children for this effect in season 12, and they're back again for another blowout feature!  With Columbia playing all-out in neutral court matches (90 in the Shield, 89 in the Natty), that left a mere 64-rated team (aka runny tomato sauce) to face the Scarecrows.  Max's boys put in some extra stuffing to play a home-rated 83.  The 19-ratings points difference was far from our highest of the round (that would be a 27-pt difference in Match 29 as the Eagles put on flying lessons for the Bats, 94 to 67).  It was still more than good enough to scoop up the picante-styled offering that Columbia presented.  Sets one and two were identically good for the home team, 16-25.  Set three took it up a notch further, with the GourdHeads petite-dicing their foes to a final 13-25 set, and hitting the 30-pt mark for total match domination, netting Max and the Scarecrows our Blowout of the Week!  Congrats, Max!

On the Upsets end of the column, our crack editing team was sweating bullets and anxiety-eating everything in sight as we rolled through the match results from session 9.  Match 29, conference play. We had a nice 5-setter between Mat-Su (whose Meese stand roughly 6 feet at the shoulder) and Martyn's AnkleBiters (who stand roughly 6 inches at the shoulder), befitting their evenly-rated matchup.  That was fun to view.  But NOT an upset thanks to the even rating!  Portland (+11) at home against Arlington also went to five sets, and featured two sets in extra points, as the Flanneled Fellsmen rallied from down 2-1 in sets to win a narrow 23-25 set four and then blow out the Bug Lovers in set 5, 8-15.  Again, neat match. Again, NOT an Upset!  Pekin @ Quincy?  The Pod Peoples were +3 over the Rabbids.  Could Al pull the Upset for us?  No! Despite another set 4 rally to force the fifth frame, the Rabbids ran out of Rabid Juice and slumped to a 15-9 fifth set home defeat!  Again, great match!  Again, NOT an Upset!  Though Al does get credit for outscoring the Legume Legion, as Roger ended up winning with a combined -2 score line, lowest of the week and still wining, so extra congrats for Roger and commisserations to Al for outscoring the top team and still losing!

Burlington @ Cinci?  The BullyFrogs were -10 in ratings, yet playing some of the Hogs' B-team as James had to play the best in the Natty.  The 'Frogs won the opener, pushed Porkopolis to 26-28 in set 2, won set 3 27-25, and then faltered in set 4, 18-25.  Set 5, could they rally?  Aires had them up 9-8 when the throat sacs deflated.  Cinci rolled off five straight to seize the match at 13-9, and finished it off 15-12 to hold home court and very narrowly avoid a -10 upset. As noted in the post-game comments, James was displeased at the effort of Freshman RS Stanley Thompson, who has been given an ultimatum to improve his play or become bacon.  Good match to view!  Again, NOT an Upset!  We gave up on conference play, and brought on the TMVL, where widely differing caring levels would surely lead to BUM Report glory!

Match 30 TMVL Cup.  Could John H and the Bats save us?  Not here!  A three-set sweep of the Nut Munchers, though 28-26 in set 2 had our hopes falsely up.  Dallas & T-Town?  The Pound Puppies were only +4 on the Dust Devils, and Mike's Windy Ones took set 2 24-26, only to see Dallas come back and rally and rally and end set 3 at 31-29 in the Doggies' favor!  T-Town took set 4 and then lost all their blow and might, falling weakly 15-9 in set 5. This one finished at 221 combined points, top of the session, so congrats for the slugfest, gentlemen!  Still, no Upset for them, or us!  Ah, but the last of the matches, with Cinci and Baton Rouge? Could the Bananaramen pull the upset?  We opened the match in anticipation to see... equal ratings?!?  What is this? Not even a chance of an upset!  Bad Piggies!  Bad Fern Fruit!  Still, we watched it anyway.  A great set 2, ending 32-30 in Cinci's favor (our highest of the session!) was the highlight as Mike's men couldn't hold on to the opening set lead and dropped the next three to crash out of the Cup's second round.  Strong match! Not an Upset!

Ah, but the Shield was next, match 31.  Lots of, "We care, only elsewhere!" lineups laid in store for us!  What did it bring us?  Plenty of opportunity, as the closest rated teams were 7-points apart.  There's a full slate of upset potential!  And then we started checking match results.  7 matches in, and not even a set 5! Twice upsets were spoiled in extra points by the stronger team winning set 3's (Mat-Su over San Diego, 28-26, & Columbia over Carlsbad, 27-29), with the winning team of set 3 then coasting to a 4-set win.  And the 8th match?  San Jose (68) v Santa Clara (75)?  We've got Pac 8 Mojo working it up for us!  Ankle Biters took set 1, and then the Shrimp responded in set 2.  Looking good so far! Then we traded sets 3 & 4 in 26-24 tallies to set up our set 5 magic!  Would Vick save us?  Nope. 15-9 Martyn.  No Upset.  Even the Pac 8 let us down!

The National Tournament?  8 matches, 3 went to five sets, one even got us to 13-15 in set 5, yet not a single upset. We didn't want to play in it anyway if that's how they're going to be.

And so we dejectedly flipped over to the last match of the session, Match 33.  Holyoke.  And there it was.  It was perfect. We knew it the moment we laid eyes on it that Olmec had not forsaken us.  We saved it for last, assured that there would be an Upset of the Week to keep our weekly column streak alive.  So went ahead and viewed the other seven matches first, and were rewarded with some minor upsets to savor, heightening the palate for the tasty treat to come.  Ames (81 rated) versus Antioch (83 rated).  Rob had already pulled a blowout over Nashville, which is not an easy feat.  Ames rolled into town on a 5-game losing streak.  Colin had to be fearing the same treatment as the Firefoxes got, as Antioch rolled out to a 2-set lead, 19-25, 19-25, or, as we have started calling it, the Dr. White Special.  Up 2-0, what could go wrong?  Set 3 was tight, with the Edible Thistles looking like they were about to be swept, as the Glow Guppies led by as many as 4 points early, at 10-6.  Ames surged back, drawing even at 13-13.  It stayed within three, as Antioch was the first to 20, at 20-18.  Ames came back on an Antioch hitting error and an Artichoke block, then took a lead at 22-21 only to serve it out and have it tied at 22-22. They traded points until 24-23 Ames, when a bad set by the 'Fish led to a VeggieBlock Sandwich and the final point as Ames wins set 3, 25-23!  Set 4 and the Guppies' lights started dimming.  Ames led 3-0 and 5-1 early, and though Antioch would rally within 1 point three separate times, they never got it tied back up.  Ames slowly pulled away, winning two and three points to Antioch's one, and leading by as many as 7, which is where it ended, at 18-25.  Set 5 and it stayed close, within 2 points up to 10-8, Ames.  Antioch rallied back and had it tied at 11-11 and 12-12 before Swoboda's lighted dongle ended up in the net to kill momentum, and then both Carlson and Morales had attack tries dug by Van Berkel and Ames got two kills to finish the 3-point run and end the match 15-12!  The Thistles own Antioch, now leading the all-time series 4-0.  Congrats to Colin for the #3 Upset of the Week, at -2!

And in another -2 Holyoke match, we had Max and the Gourdheads (80) playing The Godfather, Phil and Team Hypercolor (82)!  These managers have a long history, literally Max's entire life.  No doubt, Phil has done many nice and caring things for Max over the years.  In TMVL, those things don't matter.  The Scarecrows came out with their pumpkins carved to angry faces, and battered the Chameleons early and often, taking set one 25-20.  Then they kept up the pressure with a 25-18 set two, and just for a brief moment let Phil think he had a chance in the third set before spiking down the rally flags and ending set three 25-21, for not just the -2 Upset, but a -2 Upset Sweep!  Congrats to Max for our Upset Sweep of the Week!

Oh, and did we mention that there was another match we had our eyes and hearts on?  One that we saved for the very last to view (Yes, I really did save it for last, in hopes of this one specific match being our Upset of the Week)?

Hi, John.  Welcome back to the BUM Report.  We missed you, and clearly Olmec did too.  You're currently the top nominee for our Season 12 BUM Hero.

Match 33, Holyoke.  Merritt Island and the Pirate Sea Cows came in with a 79-rated team.  Sheboygan and the BloodSuckers played an 87-rated team, which was the second-highest of all teams for the opening round of the Holyoke Invitational.  The Sea Cows came ready to play.  We're not sure what the Bats were doing.  Maybe they were still hemoglobin-drunk from their Cup sweep of the Arboreal Rodents.  Maybe this match was played too early in the day and John had a hard time getting them out of their changing caves in time for first serve.  We don't know all the reasons.  We know the results.  ARRR! There be piracy a-flipper in the opening sets, as the Sea Cows took the opening two sets 25-23 and 25-19.  Sheboygan is a good team though, and adjusted flight patterns to avoid the sea spray in set three.  Merritt Island led by as many as three, and was up 18-16 before the Bats circled back to rally, including a 5-pt streak with three Dylan Campbell kills, an ace, and a hitting error, to give John the lead at 21-18.  Mark's Sea Mammals never got back within 2, and the Bats ended up winning 25-21.  Set 4 started fast for Merritt Island, jumping out 5-1.  Sheboygan fought back within one point, then took the lead as late as 15-13.  The Pod of Piracy used some solid defense to keep it close, including a massive rally at 16-15 Merritt Island, a point that featured 4 digs by itself!  Sheboygan still led at 18-16, only for Whatley to serve one out and kill the flow.  Merritt tied it up at 18-18 and Sheboygan never got the lead back.  The Bats kept it close, serving at 22-23 to try to tie it up again, only for another service error (Worsley) to give the Sea Cows match point.  The Bats held off the first one on a tool kill, only to see Darklighter set Merritt's Next Gen player Wesley Crusher adjust on a weak set and still get the kill to finish off the BloodSuckers at 25-23 and pull off the 4-set -8-rated Upset of the Week!  Congrats to Mark and thanks again to BUM-fave John and Olmec for coming through when we needed you the most!  Special thanks to A+-rated RS McGill for the Bats, who at 17 Atk skill led the match with 5 hitting errors.

For the More portion of our weekly recap, we have already highlighted Pekin's & Porkopolis' power and push for season-ending trophy-hoisting.  Pekin's road-rated 93 is new season high, and Nashville has tied the home-rated 96 high along with setting a new neutral court high at 93!  Does this make Roy the darkhorse National Tourney favorite?  Or just set him up for a future upset feature when Olmec continues to favor the Chosen Ones?

We'll close out with one more match to feature: Holyoke Invite. SEC foes facing off in Kentucky versus Baton Rouge.  Both put out far better efforts in the conference match, and Kentucky made a strong effort in their Shield match (topping Portland) while the Bananas equally-rated Cinci only to fall in the Cup in four sets (as noted above).  So what we're saying is that it is a little understandable that there's not much left to show for a Holyoke match where neither team was making this a priority.  The Kittens played a 69. The Bananas scrounged up a 70.  Those were the 3rd & 4th-lowest of the opening Holyoke round, and every other match featured at least one team at 80+.  Olmec agrees with us on our weekly The Opposite of Trying award, as this combined lowest-rated match of the session played out in three mostly uneventful sets with the Bananaramamen winning in lukewarm fashion, no blowouts, no close sets (19-25, 19-25, 20-25).  The Opposite of Congrats to Matt & Mike for the The Opposite of Trying Match of the Week!

We have high hopes that the Pac 8 will take our stern rebuke to heart and give us a rousing blowout or upset in conference play this coming session, to reclaim favored conference status with the BUM report.  Having to rely on SEC teams and give out compliments to our favored frenemies leaves a bad taste in the mouth, like orange juice right after brushing your teeth.  In the mean time, watch out for Peas and Pigs and pesky Firefoxes this coming session.  They have no mercy, which must be why Ol' Stoneface finds them favorable, as their style of play reflects his own lava-hardened heart.  We might also be looking forward to a certain S-cities matchup as well, Spokane @ Sheboygan, in conference play for match 34.  With those two 'blessed' managers, something good for the BUM Report is bound to be happening.  Best of luck to everyone else, and as always, let us know if we missed something BUM-worthy or if you have ideas for future graphical depictions of our fabulously fake and fun non-Futball league for which we are very grateful for all of Al's time and Max's ingenuity for keeping going!  I know we'll be back with more and maybe better (or worse, depending on which letter you're featured under) next weekend, because, as always, we're on a mission from Olmec.