Welcome back to the BUM Report for session 8! As you undoubtedly know, and of course we're all about spoilers here if you didn't look at the matches yet, we just had our first round of finals for trophies and bragging rights, or weeping and wailing, or resigned sighing as things played out exactly as expected, depending on who you are. Four of the five finals played out to expectations and the other was yet another upset by an Olmec-favored foe over a hard-luck manager that gamely keeps trying to little final avail.  More on that match later.  For the other four, three tourney finals and the WGM final, the home/favored team won handily in either four sets or, if you were one of the two teams that played the overmatched Swamp Rats, in a 3-set sweep that featured at least one set leaning toward a blowout.  Everybody else at least won a set; we failed to pull that despite two matches' of effort. At least the matches were (mostly, not ours) competitve!  The road teams all brought either 89 or 90 for their team ratings, just shy of the season high 91 we've seen so far.  Our home teams all upped the ante though, hitting 94 (San Jose, Alton, Columbia) or 95 (Nashville) or our new season high of 96 by our benevolent Legume Overlords, Roger and his Pod People!  The Big 8 Conference Final featured Columbia (90) and Pekin (96), which sets a new season high for combined ratings from these juggernauts, at 186 total ratings points.  Congrats to the winners, and may the rest of us continue our season-long building schemes to have any hope of overtaking your respective conference powers next season!

On the Blowouts side of the spectrum (see above image for a scene from the afterparty that got a little out of hand and may or may not have resulted in the national guard being called in to restore order), we had three matches that merit mention.  Starting in Match 25, non-conference, we had two teams squaring off who were also both playing in their respective conference finals, Steve and the Sanity-Challenged Tomatoes on the road against Vick and the Crustacean Crew.  Steve, however, was also playing in the WGM Final, so his T7 was all tied up and it was nothing but backups in this one.  Vick, meanwhile, played most of the T7 and dropped a 93-rated team on the court.  That was the highest-rated team of the non-conference matches.  Steve's 'team' was rated at 61.  That was the lowest-rated squad that saw playing time of the entire session.  Top vs. Bottom of the power scale, 32-ratings points difference, which is good for the second-largest difference we've seen this season!  It had a tasty blowout special all over it and it did not disappoint!  Vick's Crusty Crew of Ten-Legged Terrors feasted on the Tomatoes to the tune of an 11-25 set 2, sandwiched between a pair of 16-25 sets.  The resulting 32 pt combined win was good enough for our #2 Blowout of the Week, so congrats to Vick and Shrimp for nailing the opportunity to get an easy win over Steve's reserves!

In the top blowout of the week, we had not only a tie, but a tie by the same team!  It makes sense that our weekly winner of the coveted top Blowout spot would excel in non-conference matches, as they are known for wandering deep in the wilderness where only the brave, intrepid, and/or foolish seek them out.  Starting in Match 25, Spokane traveled to Antioch, and the ratings points themselves failed to forecast the oncoming storm that riled the waters of the Anglerfish.  Team 'Squatch (77) was only a three-point road favorite over Rob's GlowGuppies (74).  They certainly didn't play like it.  Set one ended 25-11, with the Hairy Naked Men jumping out 5-0 thanks to two Antioch hitting errors, a dig/kill and an ace.  Then they ran it up some more to 10-3 and 15-4 as Antioch had 6 hitting errors in the first 18 serves of the match, finishing with an even 8 errors to match their 8 kills. The second set started better, and it was tied 7-7 before the 'Squatch pulled away, winning 25-17.  Set three was more like the first, ending 25-13, finishing with a setter dump for a final humiliation. The 'Fish had a game to forget, hitting at a .151 clip (32 kills on 73 attempts, with 21 errors and 18 getting blocked) while the 'Squatch literally quadrupled them, hitting at .604, 37 kills on 53 attempts with just 5 errors and only five attempts getting blocked.

And in Match 26, Phil and the Carlsbad ColorChangers (team jerseys sponsored by HyperColor) meandered into the northern climes and did not find anything to their liking.  As bad as the Antioch opening 25-11 set was, Phil refuses to second place to anything Rob does!  Spokane built quick leads of 7-1 and 10-2 on the way to a final 25-9 opening set, with the 9 being the lowest score of the session for a standard set, and even tying the lowest of a set 5 this session.  The OddEyes led for all of three serves the entire match, at 1-0 in sets 1 & 3, and at 2-1 in set 2.  The match ended with OH Timmerman attacking the ball out to cap off a match high 6 hitting errors, wrapping up a -.105 day on the attack, and setting the tone for the whole team that finished with 14 errors to 17 kills on 70 attempts (.043 rate). The 'Squatch had only a handful more attempts (77 attacks) yet finished with 47 kills to 10 errors (.481 hitting rate), and Spokane more than doubled their digs, 39 to 17.  All told, it was certainly a smashing weekend for the Mythical Maulers of eastern Washington!  Congrats to Jason for the (almost as rare as Sasquatch) Double Blowout of the Week with matching 34-pt victories!

Also, inquiring minds might ask, is it a coincidence that both Antioch and Carlsbad faced Quincy in their other non-con match this session?  Seeing the 'Squatch and the Mules on the weekend's slate, which one would you fancy a better chance of victory when facing? No wonder the weaker squads faced Spokane! Of course, both Phil and Rob also lost to Al, in 3-set sweeps, though The Merciful and Kindhearted Mr. Sellers kept things below blowout levels in his matches.

On to the Upsets where we had three we were tracking, with the last one the most impactful.  Match 25 came and went with no upsets at all despite multiple close matches, with 9 of the 16 non-con matches in the 1-4 ratings points difference range!  We were starting to get a little uncomfortable that maybe we wouldn't get a full slate of upsets this session, until we looked at the first match on the scores page and saw our upset-heavy conference Pac 8 champs, San Jose, traveling to column celebrity Haiku John and the Bloodsuckers!  We didn't care that San Jose was only a one-ratings-point UnderCrustacean to the 'Bats on the road.  We didn't care that they swapped opening sets with matching 25-22 scores.  We knew goods were coming!  Set three saw the Bloodsuckers survive four set points to rally back and end with a 3-0 run to top the Shrimp 30-28, our highest set total of the session!  And would the 'Bats win set 4 to close things out? Of course not!  Another 25-22 San Jose win, and we went to set 5 with high expectations of a very low upset.  L Frosty Tickletackle did his part in the effort for Sheboygan, saving two of his match-high six service errors for the shortest set, and helping achieve yet another upset loss for the Low-Flying Mammals! The match featured the 28-30 set 3, and was close enough in the other sets to set the session's high mark for total points scored, at 224. Congrats to Vick for an Upset as well as the prior Blowout!

Yet that was only a -1 upset. Surely we could see better from the Pac 8, and of course we would!  Match 26, Aires' Bullyfrogs brought their respectable 79 road team to the Dumpster Dome, where the Albuquerque Trash Pandas scurried out a balanced home 81 rating to have the odds in their favo(u)r.  The Bullyfrogs don't care about odds, and were at buffet heaven in the Dumpster Dome where they feasted on flies and anything the 'Coons tried to toss above the net while they were at it.  A quick 25-16 opening set had the home crowd on edge, and despite Kelsey's Masked Bandits taking set 2, they couldn't overcome the Perfect(!) receiving day that the 'Frogs had, 72 serves received and 0 receiving errors! The home team actually led in blocks and serves in, though Burlington had 7 aces to Albuquerque's 0.  That stat line on the serve-receive game was the match-making difference as Aires pulls off the -2 #2 Upset of the Week!

And topping it off for the session, we knew that at least one of the finals would land us an upset. We were really, really hoping it might feature New Orleans, for entirely unselfish reasons of course, as -4 or -5 was well within norms for an upset to highlight this column.  Instead, it was a different team at -4 who had fortune and Olmec's favor fall their way. Match 27, conference final for the Big East, Porkopolis at The Aerie, where James W had a team equal on base stats and home court in his favor to try to topple the Hogs' tuskhold on the Conference Tourney title. Sadly for the Screamin' Meemies, James T. Pork does not believe in no-win scenarios.  The opening two sets were equally painful for the Eagles, and not just because both ended in identical 27-25 Cinci wins.  Alton led set 1 at 15-10 only to watch the Hogs root out a way back to 20-20. At 23-23, Cinci served to Alton with the Eagles' best chance to go ahead and get a set point chance, only for their setter to set a 1 and the ball went to the only non-A-rated player and worst hitter for the Eagles, MB Hill.  Attack out. 24-23 Cinci. Though they fought back to 24-24 and survived a set point at 25-24, when tied up at 25-25 with Hill now serving the home crowd erupted in near-simultaneous cries of, "Dang it, Bobby! That boy ain't right!" Cinci serving 26-25, and getting a dig/set/kill to claim set 1.  Set 2 started closer, within a point through the first 15. Cinci then took a mid-set lead by up to four points (17-13) only to watch the Eagles soar back into contention.  It was the OH Nate Wolfe show as Alton rallied, with a block at 21-19 Cinci, then a kill at 22-20 Cinci, followed by two straight aces as server and Alton took the lead to 24-22, with two chances at set point!  With Wolfe in the back row now, he passed well, yet they had no answer to the Porcine Hero OH Quinn Donofrio, who hammered two straight kills to even it up at 24-24, then passed well at 24-25 to get Bridger a kill and make it 25-25.  Then Donofrio served two straight aces of his own, and Alton fell again 27-25, having had three set points to even the match.  I'll spare the details of the latter sets, as this one felt over at this point, even with Alton dominating in set 3 to win 17-25 (and Bobby Hill trying to redeem himself with a run of THREE straight aces along the way) and forcing a fourth set.  Though it was tied at 10-10, Porkopolis pulled slowly away and Alton never got it tied up again. Though they survived the first match point at 24-20, at 24-21 Cinci, Alton served well and had a chance at blocking a weak set only to have a player in the net to end the match - Bobby Hill. "Dang it, Bobby!" rang out from the crowd yet again, though some might have used a little stronger language unfit for reprint in such a classy journalistic endeavor such as the BUM Report.  25-21 Porkopolis, and the Hogs and James T again raise the Big East Tourney Cup in victory, along with the Upset of the Week at -4, and the only finals upset.  Congrats to James and shared miseries to the other James!  The Eagles will have to take consolation in thinking of next season, and their two 5* recruits already on the books with a few sessions to go. Don't think the Eagles are going to be grounded that easily!

On the More end of things, as noted above the power teams are still getting more powerful!  We had four separate teams hit 90 on the road, and five(!) put up 94+ at home.  I am expecting some absolute smash-fests as these teams face off on neutral court in the TMVL and Nat'l Championship clashes to come!  While thrilling non-upsets are certainly not in the cards for the BUM Report, we have very high hopes of -1 and -2 Upsets in the semis and finals to come, as we all love the under-whatever you are (as long as you're not a precursor to bacon or ketchup, those teams don't need more help, Olmec!) that makes this column, and this league, more fun to show up for every weekend!  Lots of chances for big blowouts and stunning upsets this coming weekend as conference play resumes and teams will start sorting themselves out for who is trying or not in the TMVL competitions. Can anyone hope to overcome Roger and the Legume Legion as the #1 overall seed in the Nat'l Championship? Can the resurgent Swordfish make good on Matt's #1 Holyoke seeding against a "how the heck are these guys in last place" Starkville squad that gave the eventual WGM Champs Columbia all they could handle in the WGM opener? Which of the 5 top-12 teams in the Shield is the favorite (Quincy, Burlington, San Jose, Columbia, Mat-Su), and is the first-round Quincy (current #2 overall) vs. Burlington (current #5 overall) match basically a decider on who is going to the final on that side of the bracket, since they get to avoid Vick, Steve, Bryce, and Defending Champ Eduard along the way? Will this guy ever stop asking questions and just wrap up this column?  Yes and Maybe and No to all of the above, and we'll be here with the BUM Report to sort which from what along the way!  Best of luck and Olmec's love to all you deserving BUM Report readers, and avoid the coastal regions where you might get trapped between a 'Squatch and a Shrimp along the way. I must say it's very odd and a bit disconcerting to go through match reports and find Jason repeatedly offering greetings to us in a totally non-sarcastic way. Has Spokane turned the corner, or is this a giant hoax just to get Jason right where Olmec wants him for a last-session smackdown? Either way, it's fun times for us here at the BUM Report as well, even if the Swamp Rats remain bridesmaids for yet another season. At least we're in good company. You know who you are, you BUM-loving faithful readership! We here at the BUM Report will certainly cheer on your upset successes over the Big, Bad, and Trophy-Bloated Teams to Beat in the last four sessions to come!