Welcome back to the BUM Report!  Session 5 has come and gone now, a happy point in each season for the BUM Report, because we get our first non-conference matches and a 4-match session for half of us.  Few things bring out blowouts and have large upset potential like matches where one team cares and the other really, really doesn't.  Of course, this also marks our setting of the Conference Tourneys, and the respective conference leaders have locked up their #1 seeds for the home court advantage.  See our Amazing (mayhaps Uncanny!) lineup of conference powers-that-be in the image above.  Congrats to those currently sitting pretty as the teams to beat!

And now we move on to the actual matches from session 5, starting with our Blowouts of the Week! For our third place finisher, we start in the one match where we would hope for all teams to be playing competitive lineups, match 16, the round of 16 for the WGM Cup.  Instead, we had two teams make minimum efforts.  T-Town sent the Dust Devils to Burlington (ratings 65 v 85), though they managed 12, 16, and 18 points in their sets and avoided blowout ignomy while getting swept.  In the other effortless effort, we saw Tucson focus all efforts on their conference run, and clearing the benches to find enough players for their clash with Columbia.  Last session, Amy mailed in a 57 and was somehow gifted the -10 upset over Manitowoc to advance.  This session, she did the same thing, only to find her 57-rating facing off against a Columbia team not willing to risk upset with anything less than their best.  Steve put out a 92-rated squad, tied for 2nd best of the season to date!  The resulting 35 pt rating difference is only the 2nd highest we've seen this season, and the spinesless version of the Cacklin' Cacti utterly failed to muster a challenge.  The Round Red Regiment dominated set two to the tune of 7-25, with the 7 being the lowest points (tied) in any set this past weekend, including set 5s!  The Sagueros got to 17 and 15 in sets 1 and 3 respectively to avoid complete disgrace.  Congrats to Steve and the Tomatoes for the 36-pt #3 blowout of the week!

At #2, we are already rejoicing over what the non-competitive non-conference clashes bring to our column!  Of the four matches getting honorable and/or dishonorable mention, we'll start here in match 15 with St. Charles at Burlington.  Max priotitized his top seven Pumpkin Heads for conference play (80 road match, 84 home) and played the Gourds here (60).  Burlington didn't give it their best effort (85 in WGM & home conf match), yet a 76 is respectable for a home non-con game.  Olmec did the rest.  Along the way in their 3-set sweep, the Bullyfrogs held the 'Crows to 8 points in the 2nd set, just one better than our session-low, yet clearly the 'Frogs aren't as merciful as the Tomatoes, only allowing 13 and 14 points in the other two sets, and ending with a 40-pt blowout, good for both #2 on the week, and tied for the 2nd-highest this season!  Congrats to Aires!

And in our top Blowout, we wind back to match 14, conference play in none other than the BUM Report's favo(u)rite conference, the Pac 8!  Santa Clara put the puppies on display, with a 58 on the road. That's the second lowest of the session above only Tucson's 57 WGM lineup noted above.  Even the road non-conf matches all had higher ratings (lowest was 60)!  San Diego, no stranger to our column, knew what to do.  They put out what ties their highest lineup strength this season, with a home 76, and trusted that Martyn's luck wouldn't hold out two sessions in a row.  It didn't, with the MidCal Mutts only mustering 8 points in the opening set.  The 'Fish either got bored or didn't get enough water breaks with all their multi-point runs, and let up in set 2 (11-25) and 3 (15-25).  Even so, they ended up spearing the Chihuahuas early and often as Matt and the Swordfish impaled the competition and the Blowout of the Week at 41-pts, tying our season high mark as well!  Martyn is now the sacrifical canine in both those blowouts, here in 14 to San Diego, and way back in match 1 to Vick and the Shrimps. Condolences to Martyn, congrats to Matt this week!

On the Upsets end of the session, there were notable games to be seen all over the weekend's slate!  We had several minor upsets featuring teams noted already (like Santa Clara, -1, home to Carlsbad; St. Charles, -3, @ Ames, which managed to be our top Upset Sweep of the Week, congrats, Max!) and column alum John H and the Bats are still being yo-yo'd around by Olmec's affections!  We'll just start with John, as he managed to defy all odds and ended up in 4-straight Upset matches this session!  Have we mentioned how much we love Sheboygan at the BUM Report?

Match 13, and the Bats made an all-out effort on the road where the fainthearted don't even try: @ Cincinnati.  The Winged Hogs were sending the pure T7 to face Quincy in their WGM clash, yet still put out a home 81 here.  The Bats though, came with an 86.  They proved their ways as aerial aces in this above-the-net not-dogs-fight, winning both sets 1 and 2, 25-21, 25-20!  And then the wings failed them.  In a complete barrelroll turn of events, the Hogs rooted their way to a 18-25 win in set 3 to extend the match, and then gored the Bats in set 4 13-25.  Set 5, and Cinci led the whole way, from the opening point to the ending, with the Bloodsuckers repeatedly closing within two points only to let things slide away from their not-so-strong-fingered grasps.  The Hogs won set 5 by 4, as the Sheboygan faithful were certainly cursing both their luck and the hitting of OH Whatley. Perhaps even Ducky Deathdiaper would have done better for the Bats in this one, as Whatley's contribution ended up being 1 kill to 9 attacking errors and a very negative hitting rate.  Congrats to James and the Team That Needs No More Favors From Olmec (are you listening, Olmec!) for the -5 Upset (tied 2nd-best of the weekend).

But hope (and Olmec's ever-changing fortunes) springs anew each match!  Match 14, Sheboygan now at home playing the reserves (68) while Mendon brought an upset-minded team of FunGuys (72).  The Fighting Fungi took a page right out of John's playbook, taking the opening sets 25-22 and 25-18, and looking like a road sweep befitting their +4 rating. But this is the Bats we're talking about! Nothing is ever as it seems it might be!  Set 3 was a barnburner of a clash, with six ties or lead changes before we even hit 25 points.  The Bats served for the first set point at 24-23, and both teams pulled out a dig to keep the rally alive before Mendon got a tool kill and evened it up.  Mendton would go on to serve for match point at 25-24 and 26-25, and 28-27, with Sheboygan refusing to go down!  Despite losing their own set points serving at 27 and 29, John's Flying Furred Mammals held on until 29-30, serving and digging before getting their own tool kill to take the set, 29-31 (impressive, yet several points lower than our top set this session!).  In set 4, Mendon's fairy circle spells seemed to lose effect, as they dropped to a 17-25 defeat.  And in set 5, Sheboygan trailed only on the first point, 0-1, though it was tied up as late as 11-11.  The Bats coasted on afterward to a final 12-15 set 5 and the -4 Upset (tied 3rd best this week). OH Worsley was certainly the man of the hour for Sheboygan: 18 kills, 0 attack errors.

And then Match 15, Non-Conference, where all things BUM shine!  Sheboygan (62) at Columbia (63).  Yes, that's a 63 for Columbia as they played their best in the home conference match and the in the WGM game.  The 63 home rating was the lowest of the entire session.  The 62 road rating was the 2nd-lowest of the session.  Are you stepping in what we're shoveling here?!  Yessirree, Bob, it's The Opposite of Trying match of the week as well!  Nobody parceled and mailed off a better matchup of non-effort than this one, with a combined 125 rating easily the lowest of the session.  Even Olmec wasn't sure what to do here!  John? Steve? Who to let win? Maybe just toy with them both? Yeah, let's do that one! John opened up winning a truly close affair, 27-25 in extra points.  In set 2, it was the opposite of competitive!  Maybe the Baby Bats are still sucking Tomato juice instead of blood?  In any case, it was a 25-7 total domination.  And yet, we've seen this pattern before, no? Win the first two sets only to...  Set 3.  Columbia Bashes Back. 18-25, and not really that close.  Set 4? 22-25, Columbia! That Bats' fate seemed sealed as the Fried Green foes served off set 5. Columbia led by 3 early, and were up 9-8.  The Bats clawed back to the front at 13-9, only to watch their lead crumble to a Columbia 3-pt rally, coming within 13-12, before an out serve game Sheboygan two shots at match point. They were denied the first at 14-12, only to finish with a kill and win 15-13, breaking the W-W-L-L-L curse of the session, and pulling off the -1 upset at Columbia, as John continues his domination of the all time series with Steve, up 12-5 now!

And in the nightcap, WGM match (16), Sheboygan hosted the Swamp Rats and were rated at home 90 to the Rats' 88.  It's only a -2, only in a tourney, and by this time John has to be just emotionally fried (or permanently numb) to Olmec's fickle affections. Yep, upset, N'Orleans win.  Only this time, after three-straight 5-set matches, what do we get?  It's an Upset Sweep at -2, and not even really close, 25-17, 25-18, 25-22!  So Congrats and Commisserations and a huge BUM Report THANK YOU! to John H and the Bats for a fantastically BUM session, with upsets and comebacks galore and a sweep to boot! (Olmec warning of the week: Do Not Attempt at Home; our 4-match Upset-Fest was performed by a practiced professional BUM Report participant on a closed computing system under the watchful eye of an Olmecian Master; amateurs are warned not to try, though if you do, make sure we're there to watch and report!)

After that, we'd like to make it fast on the other upsets worth note, but we can't, because they're too good to rush!

Match 15, non-con, Spokane at Quincy!  The 'Squatch sensed weakness as Quincy had home matches in the conference (Columbia, who mailed it in though and denied us some fun viewing) and hosted Cinci in the WGM second round (great match, more on that below).  While Jason also had a WGM match and put out a strong conference home lineup, the Hairy Men That Dance had just enough to put down the Mules to the tune of the -4 Upset!  All four sets were close, with 25-21 being the largest margin of victory, set it was Jason with yet another positive mention and hope yet that Olmec has truly moved on from hunting the elusive Shaggy-Men because playing with John's hopes and dreams is so, so much more entertaining.

What else haven't we mentioned yet? Oh, a -5 Upset by Matthew and the Kittens of Kentucky, despite a 64-road rating, the Cats got the better of the Dogs as Eduard and the Bloodhounds' confounding, confusing, confuddling, congflagrating, confectionary (er, sorry, got carried away there) season continues! Has anyone had worse luck than Eduard so far? We have no idea, as that would require actual statistics and trustworthy analysis and reporting! We're going to have to outsource that one and get back to you in a future column!

And some of our favorite BUM Report words:  "And then."  As in, "And then, and Oh!  Oh-ho-HO, what an And Then It IS!"  Match 15, Arlington (71) at Schenectady (59).  I get that Brian played hard in the conference matches to no avail (81 at home to Alton, who brought an 88 and coasted in a sweep; 78 @ Spokane's 83, at least winning one set).  That left little for this one. Non-conference, at home, and maybe David and Arlington were playing the top line in the WGM match?  Didn't we warn people last week that the Anteaters are not to be taken lightly? Does anyone actually read this thing? (please, don't answer that one, we have thin-skinned-egos)  But a 59 at home?  They averaged a D+ here, and their setter was an F-rated guy with a 7 at his setting skill.  With a last name like Martin, you knows he's a total hack job.  Arlington brought S Velasco (15 rating at Set) to show the Nut Munchers how it's done.  In a back-and-forth 5-set What the Heck is Going On-type matchup, we ended up seeing Martin (.505 pct) outset Velasco (.443) and the Arboreal Army (Reserves) outhit the Bug Lovers 60 kills to 53 (.294 clip to .263).  Set 5 was fittingly close, ending 15-13 for Beerman to break out the celebratory not-beer because the Squirrels just pulled off our new Upset of the Season!  -12 at home and they found a way for the 5-set victory and salvaged an otherwise-frustrating session.  Congrats to Brian and Schenectady for the Upset of the Week and season-thus-far!

What else can we say about this session?  Just a few things, 'cause it's almost past bedtime again:

We had a new top mark for our highest set total of the season, 33-35, TSS @ SB, match 15. This was the only set Eduard would win over Amy, and he himself noted it took 35 points to pull it off!  That topped our prior 32-34, which was also matched this session as Roger and the Peas took down Max and the 'Crows, though St. Charles similarly won just one set at home, and it took extra points to do it!

We also had a 19-21 set 5, good for 2nd-highest this season, as Alton got their wings clipped at the Kennel Klub by Craig and the Bulldogs.

We had four of the eight WGM matches feature a 90+ home rating, while Alton and Nashville also topped 90 in home conference matches.  Meanwhile, Pekin set a new road high at 91 in a conference match.  For those pondering how low you can go in a home non-conference match and still have a chance at winning, the highest road-rating of the opening non-con slate was Mendon, with a 72.  13 of the 16 road teams put out a lineup in the 60's.

And I would encourage you all to view a very un-BUM-like match as well, with a combined 179 rating, 2nd highest we've seen yet this season.  Cinci (89) @ Quincy (90) in the WGM, match 16, and ponder for yourselves how a team goes from scoring 25 in the opening set, only to fall to 20, then 17, then 13.  Were the Hogs just tired out from a four-set marathon?  Was it actually Al on the Quincy sidelines and not Craig in disguise?  Were the Mules just too bitey, as James noted?  In any case, it was a fun match to view, so thank you's to James and Al, and we're looking forward to the inevitable Columbia-Quincy WGM Cup Final, Olmec's affections not-withstanding!  Thanks to all for a fun session 5, and we're looking forward to what we might see in session 6, especially if it involves a blowout by N'Orleans over a not-to-be-mentioned rival in the conference tourney first round.

Final note for the BUM Report faithful fans (hopefully that plural is accurate): if you have grand ideas, or BUM Report-worthy ideas, for weekly images, graphics, or billboard-like posts to grace our column headers, we're all ears!